Helping Without Hurting

There is a book I highly recommend when working with people in poverty - When Helping Hurts. I have to admit I have not read this book in its entirety, but I have read some of each chapter. Most of the time people offer help in a way they truly think is helpful to others. They focus on the physical needs & try to meet them not thinking about or focusing on all the underlying problems that need to be met. What happens when a certain kind of help is needed but another kind of help is provided?

A quick example from Ben: When a football player is injured on the field, he needs something to dull the pain, something strong, something to "stop the bleeding". When that same football player begins physical therapy he doesn't need that kind of help. He needs someone to teach him and help - even when it hurts - to use his injured body again. Just imagine if a powerful pain killer were injected just before he started physical therapy. He wouldn't be able to function. This would not be the kind of help he needed.

When working with people in poverty it is not always obvious what kind of help is needed. We have to spend a lot of time with people in order to empower them to help themselves. This is very hard to do and it is something I am continually praying over with the people we meet.

One lady that Ben & I have been working with is a lady named Jean. We have had a friendship with Jean for about a year now. A little about Jean and I will keep this short, there is SO much to her story. She is a 46 yr old single mom to a 17 yr old son. Never been married. Lots of health issues and even more fear issues. Jean tries to make ends meet without the governments help. She has worked at the same job for 28 yrs, but still makes makes less than $10 an hour. Jean is in poverty and she asks for our help almost every day.

We decided to help Jean by walking with her in friendship first and in meeting her material needs second. Recently Jean has not been able to work much because she's been sick. She just had surgery last week and will be in recovery for at least a week and a half. Since she works on an hourly basis she absolutely will not have enough money to survive during the month of December. We could just pay her bills for her - something we've done in the past - but as part of the process of empowering her we want to take something she is good at and help her make enough money to get through December and pay off some of her debts.

Jean's job involves her putting gift baskets together. We thought we would help her make her own baskets for the Christmas season. This will give her the opportunity to use a skill set that she already has while teaching her the basics of making money by selling a product. Now here is where you come in.....

We are purchasing all items for the baskets and Jean will get all proceeds. Now don't think we will give her all the cash - she is under financial management via Ben and I :) Our goal is to make $1000 by selling these baskets.

To keep things cleaner we thought it best to ask for a donation to Jean rather than actually selling a product. In return for your donation Jean will be providing a "Thank You" basket. We will be helping Jean photograph some examples of the baskets this week but until then I'll just include what will be in the baskets:

Coffee Basket - $35

• Bag of Coffee
• Biscotti
• Dansk Dipping Sticks
• French Vanilla & Hazelnut Creamer
• Starbucks Frappucino
  
• Cappucino Single Serving mix
  
• Coffee Mug
• Metal Decorative Basket
  

Sweet & Salty Basket - $40

• Mixed Nuts or Cashews
  
• DeMet's Turtles
• Ferrero Rocher
  
• Ghirardelli Chocolate Squares
  
• Peanut Brittle
  
• Chocolate Drizzled Caramel Popcorn
  
• Lindt Assorted Truffles
• Woven Grass Decorative Basket
  

Also, one of the young men that Ben is working with loves to bake. We hope that we can get him to use our kitchen and bake some items for these baskets as well. Like Jean, this will be to help him make some money over the holidays.

If you would like to purchase one of these baskets you can use one of the buttons above to pay by credit card or you can simply email me @ k082678@gmail.com and pay by check when we deliver them.

NOTE: The easiest way to pay through PayPal is to click the "Continue" link under the phrase "Don't have a PayPal account?" Don't let them fool you - you don't need a PayPal account to pay through PayPal.

If you pay by PayPal please include any delivery instructions in the Message text box on PayPal. If you want to pay by check just include delivery instructions in your email to me.

We will be putting the baskets together this Sat. Dec. 4th. - but taking orders up until the week before Christmas.

"So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith" - Galatians 6:10

What I've learned so far....

Ben and I have traveled to different countries outside the U.S. in the past few years. When visiting these countries we expect things to be different. The way people talk, shop, eat and just live. I didn't however expect things to be that different when we moved to the other side of Birmingham. I was wrong. I'm sure after we have been here longer I will have yet another list, but here is what I have noticed after just two months.

1. When you wave or say hello, not everyone knows how to respond back and look at you in shock because you actually acknowledged them.

2. You are always watched (at least on our street), when talking to neighbors most of the time the conversation starts with them saying....I saw when you...I noticed you....

3. Toilet paper is something people run out of often.

4. Do NOT give anyone cash

5. If you start a relationship off with giving someone something - immediately you started the relationship as a give and take relationship and human nature will always want to take. Start off as a friend who listens, not just someone who gives things.

6. When you see shoes hanging over power lines it means somewhere nearby you can buy drugs.

7. If someone receives money from the government, more than likely they really think it's the government giving them money, NOT portions from the working citizens paycheck.

8. EVERYONE has a story and is in DESPERATE need of a listening ear i.e. true friend.

9. If someone receives a disability check it seems the common "illness" is bi-polar and/or mental breakdown.

10. People here in East Lake like to sit outside on the porch or in the yard for hours. Why? Some reasons could be it's dark inside, nothing to sit on or simply nothing to do or watch, or there could possibly be an abusive situation they are avoiding in the house.

11. Having access to a vehicle is rare.

12. The ability to think financially ahead of time how to pay rent, bills, get needed monthly medicine and provide food in the home is not just there.

13. When you hear yelling outside, it's doesn't necessarily mean a fight, it could just be one neighbor talking to another, but not leaving their own yard to have the conversation.

14. When two siblings are in a disagreement about something and one thing leads to another, they will call the cops on each other and press charges - sending one to jail.

15. FEAR is an issue with most women. Biggest fear being if something happens to them who will take care of their children.

16. If you deliver mouse traps @ 10:30 at night to a friend who lives in an apt. you are more than likely going to find yourself in the middle of a drug deal

17. When showing your ID to the officer when entering the DHR building - which you have to show even if you are just transportation for someone - and your license is in a Vera Bradly ID key chain/holder, EVERYONE will make a big deal about the fancy holder for your license.

18. If you hear a gun shot, don't jump to conclusions or call the cops immediately, it could just be your neighbor verses the squirrels in his own backyard.

19. Expect most of what people tell you to be a lie.

20. People do not refer to where they live, they will tell you where they stay. Because next week they may be staying somewhere else.

And the BIGGEST lesson that God has taught me is teaching me....DO NOT treat my neighbors as projects, they are people, God's creation, and I need to be their friend and show them the love of Christ. As well as, NOT refer to people in poverty as they - they need this, they don't know how to......THEY are not projects....call them by name, as one friend to another.

Not Me Monday

I'm not sure why I have been so sick with this pregnancy and I wasn't with the other three. Some thoughts have been that maybe it's the different smells around the house that is making me nauseous. My sense of smell has ALWAYS been enhanced when pregnant. We have moved into an older home and have done lots of construction in the kitchen. We also have a crawl space under the house that that some of the musty smells are coming in through the air vents. So.....

I do NOT carry around a dryer sheet (which I do love the smell of) and smell it when a bad smell comes my way :)

Four is a wonderful number

You just never know exactly what God has in store. We sold our home in Chelsea in June and moved in with my Father-in-law and Step Mother-in-law in Gardendale. July, Ben and I took a 10yr anniversary cruise. August, we started homeschooling with the boys. September, Ben & I went to Thailand to share the gospel with the Thai people. October, we moved into our new home in East Lake. Things were starting to calm down a little, then we discovered this.



That's right! DeLoach # 4 will be here in about 7 months! June 10, 2011.

I know there are probably lots of questions going through your mind right now so I want to go ahead and answer a few.

The one I really don't understand why people ask, but they DO.
YES, we know what causes it!

Yes, we were trying for #4

Yes, this baby was Made in Thailand

As of today (11/13) I'm 10 wks, due June 10th, 2011

We will prob. find out what we are having. HOWEVER, Ben doesn't want to tell. Not sure I can keep it quite.

My Doctor is Dr. Dan Hudson @ St. Vincent's - Henderson & Walton. He was my doctor with Caden & Isabel, however he didn't deliver either one, maybe this time he will actually be on call when I go in.

I have been very nauseous! The worst yet. From the time I wake up till I go to bed. Hopefully around week 12 it will be over and I can enjoy the pregnancy.

We are starting to think about names, but all we have so far is a boy will start with a C and girl will start with an I.

one more....

YES, the kids are very excited. Although, if you ask Isabel, she is NOT going to share her room. Says the baby can sleep in the hall. :) Little does she know.....

Happy Halloween

I introduce you to...

Isabel the Zebra
(with NO ears - had a fit because she didn't want the ears)





Carter & Caden a.k.a. G.I. Joe Snake Eyes

Not Me Monday

I DO NOT like to color coordinate my chip clips with the bag color.